Gay sex is hardly something talked about by the mainstream. In high school, most students are taught abstinence only sex education, much less how gay sex works. So, when I embarked on my first gay sexcapade, you can imagine the sort of obstacles I found myself face to face with. God, there are so many things I wish someone had sat me down and told me before I started having gay sex.
The first gay hookup is always the toughest one because you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.
Things can get messy. Literally. If things start moving too quickly, it's important to slow down and take some time to talk, especially if you're inexperienced.
Here are three things I wish someone would have told me about gay sex.
One thing I didn’t want to admit to myself before I started dating gay men on apps is that people come in many shapes and sizes. Not everyone in the gay community is ripped. On top of that people have different erogenous zones. Sexuality is not one size fits all; it takes time to learn what turns particular partners on. These turn ons will certainly vary person to person; what turns one partner on might turn your next partner off immediately.
Bodies are gross. There's no real way to sugar coat it. Bodies are gross and do gross things. You'll become just as intimate with your partner's bodily functions as you will with them, especially when engaging in gay sex. It's important to try to prepare as best as possible for gay sex, which usually includes a whole lot of douching. But beware, things are more than likely to get messy. If the worst ends up happening, don't make your partner feel bad. It's only natural. Help them in any way you can, and try your hardest to be polite about the whole situation.
If you end up getting with a guy who makes you feel bad about your body’s natural functions, than I recommend getting out of the situation immediately. Don’t go out with this guy again and don’t hook up with him again. He clearly has a poor idea of what sex is actually like – you can thank porn and poor sex education for that – and is probably insecure about himself.
However, don’t be afraid to try new flavors of men. Don’t be deterred by high expectations, intimacy, or big personalities.
As you embark on your sexual adventures, you’re likely going to feel a little intimidated and hesitant about taking that next, intimate step. It’s okay, to be honest with your partner that you’re inexperienced. If you’re a virgin and don’t want to admit it, I suggest saying something like “I haven’t done this in a while,” which gives your partner the go-ahead to take the lead. It’s important to be honest in these kinds of close, intimate situations as you don’t want someone to assume you’re more experienced and try some sort of acrobatic sex move.
If you’re unafraid to be naked with someone, you shouldn’t be nervous about being honest with them – especially if it concerns your body and sexual health which you need to keep clean if you're looking to gay date. And don’t be afraid to voice what you want from your partner. Just because you think something should feel good – like anal for instance – doesn’t mean it will, and it doesn’t mean it will feel good for you. Everyone’s bodies are different, yours included.
Also be able to communicate what you want as well as what you don’t want. If you want your partner to do something to your body that you might think is out of the ordinary, don’t feel shy about it! Ask!
Keep your communication channels open (just like your butt hole) and your sexcapades will be more than rewarding.
Many people think all gay dudes like wrecking each other’s tunnels of love. Well, it’s not entirely true. A lot of people are strictly “tops”; in other words, they are the ones doing the “giving,” not the taking. Also, members of the community are fellatio-exclusive. Sure this might seem like a real bummer (ha, get it) but if you think about it, BJs are quite great.
If you end up going back home with a guy and you’re both “tops” what do you do? Blowjobs. If you end up going home with a guy and you’re both “bottoms” what do you do? BlowJobs. If you end up going home with a guy who doesn’t do anal, what do you do? Blowjobs. Even if you end up back with a guy who’s the “top” to your “bottom” or vice versa, there will probably still be blowjobs involved.
As a gay man, blowjobs will essentially solve most of your problems.
Sex, particularly the gay kind, shouldn’t scare you. Just because you’re not formally educated on the matter, doesn’t mean you can’t educate yourself. There are plenty of online resources – that aren’t gay porn – where you can find information on how to exactly succeed in having gay sex. I encourage you to check out Youtube channels like Sexplanations or DaveyWaveyRaw for any other questions you have about sexuality, and specifically gay sex.
Happy butt fucking!